The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world but the hand that controls the project plan is connected to a body and mind that it’s impossible to avoid. Spend any time on organisational change initiatives and you’ll soon become familiar with the populous and engaging tribe of homo sapiens known as ‘project managers’. Here are a few of my favourites along with some thoughts on how to be a good colleague in each case. Identities have been changed to protect the innocent and not all of what follows is intended to be taken seriously.
1. The Mother Hen
Returning from maternity leave (again) the Mother Hen never misses a chance to use her positive energy and caring instincts as a force for good. If she isn’t filling your inbox with meeting requests and updates that CC in distant villages in Baluchistan, she’s merrily placing cakes and M&S cholesterol buckets at the end of every desk pod. Her meeting style is akin to a mum organising a children’s party. Instead of goodie bags think A3 handouts with font 8 type. It’s only because she doesn’t want you to feel left out. Ever.
Wants: One big happy project family.
Needs: To be at the centre of it all.
Consider: Smile, eat the cake and accept that you will have to create a separate auto re-direct email folder just for her.
2. Humphrey Bogart
Of all the meeting rooms in all the projects in all the world he had to walk into this... as far as projects go Bogart has seen it all and you can read it in the lines of his weary face. Any talk of ‘benefits realisation’ or ‘engaging difficult stakeholders’ will raise a wry smile. Whole meetings can pass by while he does little more than raise an eyebrow. Somewhere there’s a couple of kids in private school and a loft conversion that is burning a hole in the savings. If your project manager would rock a crumpled suit and a cigarette in the corner of their mouth then you’ve got yourself a Bogart.
Wants: Whiskey and a good night’s sleep.
Needs: You to shut up and not bother him too much.
Consider: Avoiding any airy-fairy organisational chat and letting him reveal his deeply buried idealism in his own sweet time.
3. Ms. Efficiency
Clearly on her way to the top, this gal is all business. All of her PowerPoint templates are modern, clean and precise, just like her clothes, haircut and one line 6.40am emails. She’s really not interested in what you watched on Netflix last night and thinks most meetings could be done in twelve minutes if people weren’t so chat-happy. If you want to know what rejection feels like try telling her a joke. If you want to make her happy get her on the list for a senior management meeting. Just don’t expect a smile straight away.
Wants: To rise to the top
Needs: Your cooperation thank you very much
Consider: Keeping up with her while you can, if only so you can win her trust and gently suggest she’ll do even better if she eases up a little.
4. The Sad Robot
Greg used to care. He used to feel things. Now he just pulls levers on the Death Star and doesn’t ask any questions. He could be project managing a maternity ward or a landmine factory and it would all be the same. If he had actual dreams he would dream about gantt charts – not flashy ones, just normal, run-of-the-mill gantt charts. Once a week he has to give an important update except nobody can remember whether it’s good news or bad because it sounds like a computer reading a phone book. He’s fairly efficient in a grey wallpaper sort of way.
Wants: Nothing.
Needs: Nothing.
Consider: Extending the hand of friendship and slowly, ever so slowly, rebuilding their sense of humanity.
5. The Graduate (male)
The Graduate normally comes as a set of two or three with matching accessories. They all sport the same haircut (usually cropped on the sides and floppy on top) and drainpipe suit trousers. They can still buy slim-fit shirts in their own size and use their latest model JabPhones to coordinate a Gen Y version of ‘work hard, play hard’. As well as doing quite a lot of actual work they carry around absurdly large water bottles with words like “Protein” and “Marathon” written on the side. They are the future, apparently.
Wants: People to stop thinking they are the project manager’s assistant
Needs: To learn from you
Consider: Remember that you were young once and be generous with your time.
6. The Graduate (female)
As above but with slightly more interesting haircuts and marginally better social skills.
7. Angry Dave
The thing is that there wouldn’t really be any reason to get angry if only people would stop misunderstanding WHAT THE BLOODY HELL PROJECT MANAGEMENT IS ALL ABOUT!!! If there’s one thing that Dave cannot stand it’s people running off and doing their own thing without a thought for the plan that took him 189 man hours to create!! And he’s not shy in sharing his thoughts via one of the many phones and screens that decorate his long-suffering desk. Beneath it all he has a heart of gold. He just needs to step away from the keyboard. Some other things that get Dave riled:
Not getting invited to important meetings
Too many meetings
Programme Boards
Anyone who fails to grasp the myriad complexities of project management
Projects that over complicate things
Doors
Wants: People to stop getting in the way.
Needs: To retire and run a small café far far away from it all.
Consider: Taking his outbursts with a pinch of salt while using less ‘direct’ influencing skills to vary the project’s ‘stakeholder engagement’.
Anyway, those are just of few of my favourites. You will have your own. I should stress of course that beyond the ‘type’, the individuals are by and large nice to meet, good to work with and great at getting things done. And even if they do slip into caricature now and again they deserve our sympathy and our respect. After all, on top of running the plan they have to deal with an even weirder and more frustrating tribe of project people – change managers.